This article has been submitted by one of our supporters, Millie Fuller – who is a self-described Creative Copywriter & Coffee Lover! She has very kindly written an article for us about the importance of self-care.
Being a carer and caring for yourself can be a difficult balancing act at times. If you’re struggling with the mental and physical toll of caring for someone else, then you’re not alone.
It’s not unusual to feel burnt out as a carer. In fact, this is completely normal and understandable. Spending all of your time tending to others’ needs can leave you feeling like there’s nothing left for you, but it’s important to remember that if you’re mentally and physically strong, then you’re better placed to care for someone else. Ensuring your own needs are met is not only vital to your own wellbeing, but it’s essential to being able to continue to provide high quality care for others.
In this article, we discuss ways in which you can try to restore some balance in the relationship you have with those you’re caring for.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing and maintaining boundaries can really help you to feel in control of the situation, so that you don’t feel pushed to a place where you can no longer cope. Know that you can’t be everything and do everything for someone else whilst also having time for yourself. Furthermore, you don’t need to feel guilty about that. Mind explains that “respite is possible – and necessary. You can’t give your all as a carer – you just can’t. You have to save a bit of yourself just for you.”
Supporting independence
The more you can help the person you’re caring for gain some independence, the more time you will get back for yourself. This might mean that they do things in a way you don’t necessarily agree with, and that’s ok!
“Be realistic in terms of what you can achieve each day, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. “
Manage expectations
If your expectations are beyond what is physically possible, then you’re always going to feel as though you have failed. This takes a serious mental toll on anyone. Be realistic in terms of what you can achieve each day, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from others.
Rest
It can be hard to switch off when you’re always on the move. If you’ve spent all day caring for someone else you might feel as though your spare hour at the end of the day should be spent catching up on your own housework but getting some rest and relaxation time should be prioritised. This might be simply sitting down with a cup of tea for ten minutes of quiet time, or it might be having a nap, or losing yourself in a TV soap for half an hour.
Support groups
Finding people to talk to who are experiencing similar things to you can be a really good way to let off some steam and gain some understanding, and it can also help battle loneliness that can accompany being a carer. Support groups are a brilliant source for anyone struggling to cope with the pressures of caring for others, and if you don’t feel you have the time or energy to travel, there are also online support groups you could drop in on.
“Support groups are a brilliant source for anyone struggling to cope with the pressures of caring for others, and if you don’t feel you have the time or energy to travel, there are also online support groups you could drop in on. “
Exercise
Keeping fit is beneficial for both our mental and physical wellbeing, and it doesn’t need to be time-consuming or intensive. Ensuring you stay active will help to increase your energy levels so you feel better able to cope with the physical demands of caring. Incorporating a regular walk into your routine can bring you back in touch with nature and the outdoors, which has numerous health benefits. If you don’t feel comfortable walking alone, join a walking group where you can also engage in conversation with other people, which could give you an outlet to discuss how you feel, or it might help take your mind off of the worries you’re carrying.
Ultimately, carers need to look after themselves first and foremost in order to be well equipped to care for someone else. As Helping Hands explains, “care work is immensely rewarding, but can also be stressful”. Engaging in some self-care is not selfish. It’s actually very beneficial to both you and the person you’re caring for.
If you would like to share a story about your mental health, please get in touch – info@changesbristol.org
